I am in the kitchen, and the potatoes are being chopped with extra venom-filled force this evening. My body is a red, hot, pulsing rage and the potatoes, along with every implement in the kitchen actually, is feeling the full force of my wrath tonight.
How dare he? What an arse. Why does he not understand? Why can’t he see it from my view for once?
To be honest I can’t actually remember the precise details of this particular domestic spat, only that it - along with so many others before it – resulted in this all-too-familiar internal dialogue
And don’t we, as humans, just love to wallow in these accusations and indignations? Do you know of any other creature on the planet who, when affronted, goes into a sulk for days, weeks… sometimes even years!
This internal dialogue of wrong-doing can play like a repetitive loop in our head, a clingy, whining ear worm, for as long as we allow it. Why…? Because deep down we love it!! We love placing blame and responsibility on someone else’s shoulders. We love assigning the root cause of our misery to another person. For this means that weneed to take no action whatsoever, apart from playing the victim card over and over again.
That is not to say that, especially in the case of serious wrong doing, we should not allow other people to take the responsibility of their actions, but merely to ask ourselves the question, how is this serving me?
This seething red hot bitterness and resentment, which is swirling around inside me, clouding my thoughts and my judgement - how is holding onto this allowing me to move forward in a healthy and constructive manner? Do I want to live like this indefinitely, to keep this aura of discontent clinging to me like a rancid perfume until another person decides to take action to remove it?
In my experience, you have three options when faced with this overpowering effrontery…
1) Sink into this feeling, give it energy and power. Perpetuate the emotion with more angry thoughts, give bulk to your ‘story’ until it becomes your red hot angry reality.
2) Take action. Communicate, with calmness and clarity, how the other’s actions have affected you.
3) Let it go… treat whoever you think has done you wrong with forgiveness and tolerance.
The latter may seem like the hardest of the three. However, a top tip of mine is to look at the "nugget of intention" of the other person. Was their sole purpose in life to cause you hurt and pain? Did they knowingly or intentionally hurt you? Yes? In which case, maybe move to Option 2.
If it has mostly been a misunderstanding of words or opinions however, if they never set out to hurt or criticise, but just made some misguided blunders, then YOU have the choice to let that go. Forgiveness is a choice. It can seem mighty difficult at times, but YOU have the option to take yourself out of this repressive reality in just one action…
Reflect on how it serves you to keep hold of this bitterness and self-pity. Would life seem a lot simpler and brighter if you could just… let it go? I have had clients let go of decades worth of resentment in just a few minutes by choosing that one act of forgiveness… So decide to take action today on the version of “you” you wish to be. For, your thoughts, your reality and your life is in your hands!
For more information on how I help my clients overcome feelings of anger and resentment click on the "Let's Chat" button today!
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